It Makes Me Remember

Me during the magical summer of 2004, shortly after
Jenn and I started Dating

We all have that project. That one thing we have to do, but always find a way NOT to get it done. You know the boxes you packed 6 years ago and have yet to go through them. The room full of crap you kind of pushed in there to clean the other parts of your house for guests. The attic you throw crap into without a care in the world and now the cable guy has to come over and fix your cable and he needs to get through the attic, and there you are, sitting in the cold sorting through crap to get rid of to make a path. I know you can relate. 

Well I started one of those projects. I have a room dubbed the "office". It was neat and organized, until we realized that we have a full house of people coming and still have crap all over the house. So we took all that crap and threw it in the office, closed the door and said, "don't go in there". If the producers from Hoarders came through they would say that this room was just the start of a bigger problem. No joke. Well it was the past Monday when we realized that the only way to get out our Christmas decorations is to un-bury the hatch to get into the crawl space where we store them. 

So last night I started to pull boxes out. I realized they were packed and sorted totally incorrectly, so I started to sort through the contents of the boxes, bags, envelopes, and Rubbermaid containers. This morning the sorting and repacking of memories started again, but stopped suddenly when I came across a folder stuffed with cards. Christmas cards, thank-you notes, wedding invites, and ticket stubs. I stopped to look at them and they were every Christmas card I have ever sent Jenn....ever. The first Valentine's card I ever gave her, a ticket stub from when we went to a play downtown when we started dating. The invitation to her best friend's wedding where we rekindled our relationship (July 10, 2004) that was started in high school. With every nonsensical page I turned in this card montage a whole flood of memories came back. 

What stopped me in my tracks was a journal Jenn had written in semi-regularly for 6 or 7 months from July of 2004 to about January 2005. It just so happened to be those first months when we started dating again in the summer of 2004. It had all her uneasy feelings about the beginning of our relationship. Her self reflections on how she felt about me, about Audrey, and about where this "thing" was going. As I flipped and read parts of it I realized I have forgotten a little bit of the man my wife fell in love with. I forgot about what it was to make her feel good. Lately things have been so crappy financially that we have forgotten about ourselves in the big scheme of things or job hunting and working at all hours to get the bills paid. I know we can never go back to the way it "was" but as the years pass, sometimes we forget about the things that made us fall in love in the first place. 

The names I gave her in the beginning I felt were hokey; I knew she loved them, so I continued. The way her days would not suck when she woke up with my arms around her. I read a note I wrote to her in the form of a thank-you card in December of 2004. Telling her that she has made me a more self-confident man. She reminded me what was important I closed it with a thought that I know this was the beginning of something special and to last a long time. 

I saw pictures of what I was. A strong self-confident man who just got out of a situation that was not ideal. I was finding myself again back in 2004. Fast forward to 2012. I feel much the same way about my self as I did prior to that magical summer in 2004. I don't feel confident. I have the same recurring nightmare about sitting in a crashing airplane. The dream interpreters say that it signifies I have set lofty goals for myself that I fear will never come to fruition. It also shows I lack the confidence to make those goals happen. 

Well in 2004 the sky was limit. I want that again and I want it again with my wife. My wife who is magnificent. My wife who became a mother of our lovely pain in the ass(said lovingly), Addison. This whole project of cleaning out our office has made me remember what I was, who I am, and what I am capable of. It reminded me of the Dad I used to be, the fun one that always enjoyed playing games and reading books.

Many of us forget what it was like way back when we started to date our now wives. Often life gets in the way. When you get into a fight you forget all the great things you loved about the person. It took me finding a journal my now wife wrote 8 years ago to make me remember who I was and to realize what I have become. I am not a bad guy. I love my wife just as much as I did in 2004, but I have changed no doubt. I have gotten a little more lazy and fatter. I don't leave love notes for my wife anymore. I need to do that again. I love her more than words could show, but I need to try and show her more.

I believe that life puts relationships in situations designed to rip them apart. It is only when you get through them that you realize your bond with each other is stronger than ever. 

Here's to getting through this storm. 

Live to Buy Local

When Christmas morning rolls around and all the presents are opened; what are you left with? Another gadget taking up space in an electric outlet. Another toy to step on in the middle of the night. Another bland whatever that everyone seems to have this year. 

On Cyber Monday places like Wal-Mart, Target, and Best Buy are spending huge sums of money to put their ads on TV, so they can capitalize on your holiday spending. You aren't buying the gift from a person, you are buying it from a huge corporation. That is amazing, but there are hosts of small operators that sell things at a higher quality than any mass produced big store can offer. Here are some of my favorites.

Dick and Jane Create by Cierra - Cierra knits these crazy cool hats to show your pride in your neighborhood. Looking for a knit cap, scarf, or any other awesome accessory to set yourself apart, check it out. 

Equine Expression by D - Dawn creates charms and jewelry with a equine theme. I met her while she was just starting out and it is awesome to see her shop grow. People buy it from all over the world. She has items in some equine catalogs, but buying it directly from Dawn benefits her and the local economy more. 

G Squared Studio - I am the new guy to the game. Unique Photography from Firefighters to Airplanes, we have something for almost everyone. Paracord creations like bracelets and keychains, designed for functionality. Drink coasters to accent your room. We've been featured in a few treasury collections on Etsy. The fire hose picture frame is our most viewed item, and it will look great hanging on your wall. 

Support these businesses. We are small. We benefit the local economy. We want your business. 

The Thankful Summer

Coming up there are going to be plethora of "What I'm Thankful posts" because as Americans facing a holiday many businesses, consumers, and retail workers either hate, love, or forget; we have to show how much better we are from the status quo and talk about how much we hate the Christmas Seasons because of its superfluous consumerism and show how thankful we are.

That is why I am doing my 'thankful' type post a whole week early. It shows that I really do care about those around me without a national holiday telling me.

But really, I really am thankful for everything I have. I am thankful for my wife who is supportive of whatever crazy dream I might have. I am thankful for my two lovely children, which if my wife has her way, will be getting a brother or sister as soon as I (or she) get a full-time job. I am also thankful for all the people who have called me, sent me texts, emailed, tweeted, Facebook'd, and more importantly helped he build on the skill set I wanted to create into a career somehow.

Since May I feel like a weight was lifted off my chest. I no longer had to go to a job I didn't like. I no longer had to wear a suit that I never felt comfortable in anyway. More importantly I was happy. That being said the lack of money, uncertainty, job interviews, and also hit on my credit was also not fun in any way. But with unemployment benefits, I was able to look for a new full-time job, but in the meantime I could build some skills for a job I really really really want.

My summer was terrific despite all the adversity, and I think that is hard to remember because the bad things were pretty bad, but also the good things were really good.

Laura and her daughter Emily at a beach on Lake Erie

The summer really started when my friend Laura and her two daughters Kelley and Emily came in from Boston for a week. There is something to be said for a family who travels from what is considered one of America's great cities to spend a week at what some consider a city not worth a damn (we all know I love Cleveland, but outside looking in, if you never come, you'll never know). We saw all the coolest places. The Westside Market, Ohio City, The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, Rock n Roll Hall of Fame (again), Lakeview Beach, Melt (again), and even a dive bar in downtown.  It was a great time.

Hotter in Cleveland morning Safety Brief 

While Laura was in town I was also given a terrific opportunity to build on my on-scene photography skills. I got an email from the largest fire department in the area to take part in one of the largest full-scale drills in recent memory. I got to work closely with the PIOs from a few different organizations, media types, and even friends who I have worked with before. It was nice having being included with media, even though I am a blogger, avid tweeter, and photographer. I am non-traditional, but many large organizations marginalize our reach; it was nice to see Cleveland including us in their plans. This opportunity allowed me to test a few theories I have had in my head. It allowed me to see how the PIO world operated in a scenario and how they could leverage a photographer into their plans. Most of my ideas can work I have learned, and it is exciting to see if Cleveland adds to that. They might, they might not. But the opportunity to be as close as I was is something you can't forget.

Fire Academy Student (Left) and Instructor venting roof of house

Even before this exercise I was expanding my chops for on-scene photography when my mom called me and said, rather loudly into my ear, "They're burning today!" She was talking about a house set for demolition on Lake Rd. near her home. The owner, instead of tearing it down to build his new house, he donated it to the Tri-C Fire Academy for a live fire exercise. I had no clue who was running it, I had no clue what to expect, so I packed my camera and batteries and headed to the scene. I got there as they were tapping the hydrant. I hadn't missed the fires. I spoke with the cop on duty and handed him my card and said, "I'd love to see if I can come on-scene to shoot this" The cop being one of the coolest cops ever was appreciative of me asking. So he sent a student firefighter up to the command post and minutes later he came back, with a fire chief. He asked what I wanted to do, I explained I want to get as close as you'll let me. I name dropped a bunch of people that I worked with before and in the off chance this guy knew them and called them, they wouldn't laugh me off scene. Come to find out they let me on-scene. I got to get closer than the local media, and I proved more concepts of on-scene photography. Mainly a photographer can be a second set of eyes for the safety officer. To an untrained or uninitiated photographer, many missteps can be missed. I was lucky to have as much time in training as some firefighters.

It's hard to believe it gets better but it does; but it will have to wait for another post.

In This Together

I have been blogging since 2004 when I wrote a private blog in the now ghost town of myspace. A tradition it seems is that I spend some time reflecting on the presidential election the day after a winner is called. Kind of a way to write down my feelings so I know how I felt when I learned the outcome. My post 4 years ago was filled with naivety that comes with having a good paying job, recently newlywed, and trying to have a baby. It is funny to go back and look at it. I know exactly how I felt, and oh how things have changed.

Today is much different. Before writing this post, I sent resumes to several potential employers hoping that one of them will get serious about hiring someone. This election, I don't sit on the lofty perch of employment. I don't have the security blanket of a paycheck in a couple of weeks. I am faced with a reality that I have a very qualified wife who is terrific at what she does, who works her butt off at a job she doesn't like most days, who can't get a job interview for a better job despite her college degree because she is in that catch 22 situation. They want experience, but no one wants to give her a chance for her to gain new experience. I am faced with the reality that for the first time I am not the major bread-winner in the house.

I can tell you this. You will not find a harder working person on the planet than my wife. I am in awe of her. She is the only person I know who worked nearly full-time, went to school nearly full-time, was a mother nearly full-time and still had a smile on her face when I came home and told her I lost my job. She is the only woman I can imagine that wouldn't leave me immediately upon my arrival home. To be honest I am still nervous about that aspect with every week I have to collect unemployment.

I have been humbled by my wife and last night when we sat up watching the returns, she was upset. Upset that no matter the outcome of the election, we still didn't have jobs that created the lifestyle we saw for ourselves. We were still living paycheck to paycheck. We don't own our home and every month that dream gets further in the distance.

My wife said last night, "There are no options for us. We didn't come from a poor family, we didn't come from a rich family, and we didn't serve the military. There are no options for people who worked their ass off to get through college and are struggling right now." This sums up how I feel too. It feels that if you came from a poor family there are programs to get a free education, and if you came from a rich family they paid for your education, serve in the military and you get college via the GI Bill and the ability to enter the workforce as a college graduate with ZERO college debt.

I feel marginalized. I feel like despite our best intentions we (me and my family, not the country as a whole) are at a fork in the road; to the left is a welfare state which we qualify for and to the right is the fantasy land of a prosperous future that is shoved down our throats by our politicians, but rarely reaps the rewards promised to us.

The answer to our problems is not the partisan bickering that comes with a political campaign. The answer is somewhere in the middle of the rhetoric. It is a Republican looking at a Democrat and asking, "how do we get this done?" It is a Democrat looking at a Republican and asking, "How can we work together to do this?" It is both parties looking at a 3rd party candidate and taking them seriously and respecting their ideas, because most 3rd party politicians have answers that are the center. It is making companies feel comfortable to hire people and take chances again.

It has been almost 6 months since I lost my job. It has been 11 months since Jenn graduated college. I feel lost in a sea of uncertainty. I don't want a hand out. I want a hand up. I want an opportunity to prove that I can do any job I apply for. I want someone to start thinking like an American again and start taking chances on someone who may not fit their mold exactly.

I am optimistic despite our situation. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I have spent the summer trying to blaze my trail and stand out. This week, let's hope that with this election over, things start to break loose for me, my family, and for you too.

This is not the fault of Republicans, Democrats, red states, blue states and this post isn't designed to put blame on anyone. This is to remind us that our collective eyes are off the ball. We stopped believing in our neighbors. We forgot.

We are all in this together.

Inside the Zombie Apocalypse

Somewhere in Cleveland, Ohio 4 days after Hurricane Sandy hits Northeast Ohio - You can smell the stale coffee in the air, the coffee machine has been running continuously since Monday morning. Public Information Officers (PIO) from various agencies are huddled over their laptops, fingers curled on the keys punching out messages for the general public. Cleveland Public Power is working on a piece about downed power lines. The mayor's office is monitoring their social media feeds. The Department of Public Safety is on the phone with the Fire Chief getting a report on what they are seeing. They are all collaborating together keep the message consistent. It is about quality, and volume. 5 voices are better than 1. This is all happening in real time at the Joint Information Center (JIC). These are the PR people of public service. Their job is to get information to all forms of media.

Press releases are sent to traditional media outlets, PIOs are engaging followers on twitter to monitor and disseminate information to those who are tuned in on social media. All of this is just one cog in the machine of public information. It gets bigger. 

Down the hall lined with photos of SWAT equipment is an even bigger room. Huge projection monitors are at the head of the room. One has an internal program to share information across agencies, the other the local news. On the left wall is another local newscast, on the right wall, CNN. This room is nearly empty except for a member of the Red Cross working her phone and checking in  on the various shelters scattered across the region. 

There is still a lot of work to be done, but everyone's left for a short few hours to take a shower at home, kiss their husbands and wives, and then will head back and continue to monitor the situations across the city. Where are power crews needed? Do we need to shift assets to a certain part of the city for security? What new crisis has come up that need to be dealt with?

When you are watching the news and you hear them say, "Officials say..." this is the room where all those "officials" craft what we are hearing, seeing, and even feeling. If there is a situation, they are on it and trying to solve what ever problem has come up. 

These are the silent partners of our safety. These are the unsung heroes that work late into the night working together to solve problems to help the boots on the ground. No one is in the EOC and working the JIC unless they can get things done. They are all decision makers, policy makers, and doers. The power outage on W 54th and the power outage on E 72nd, only enough crews to fix one, this is where the hard choices are made.