A picture in words

It is 6:30am. I have been awake for an hour and I have been staring at the blinking cursor on the screen. I have had my self-rationed 2 cups of coffee already and contemplating breaking my 2 cup rule. I have gone over and over what I have wanted to write several times in my head. It is right there, right about to come out, and then I lose it. Perhaps I am trying too hard, but perhaps the thoughts I do have just aren't done cooking.

Maybe my mind doesn't want to face the reality that not only our country is about to go over the proverbial fiscal cliff, but so is the family if I cannot get employed and fast. As this roller coaster gets close to the top of the hill, I am not scared. I find a great peace in accepting a fate I have no control over at this point. All I can do is continue to put my hat in the ring of several career paths in hopes that someone will bite. I have a feeling something may break loose; although I have been saying that for months now. 

An extraordinary group of people have started to advocate for me in a few places I never thought to explore before. Not because I asked, but because they offered. They understand that your worth is not the contents of a resume or a punch card of accomplishments. It is the ability to adapt, learn, and teach. Life isn't about what you accomplish, it is about what you leave behind. I have met a lot of rich people who have accomplished a lot and leave behind only money for their next generations. Money does nothing for anyone unless they understand how to use it to their advantage. Like a regular guy winning the lottery, it is easy to go bankrupt and then what did you leave behind?

This summer I have learned more about myself than I can possibly imagine. I learned how humble I must become and how much pride swallowing I had to do when all of a sudden I found myself without a job. I learned that my worth to my wife goes beyond the amount of money I put into the bank. I also learned that I am a terrible housekeeper (this shouldn't be a surprise). But in the end I learned that despite all the bullshit my wife and family has had to endure, we still love one another and would rather go through this all together than apart. 

Life has a funny way of teaching you what is important. I took what I had for granted. This summer, fall, and winter have taught me a lot about myself and even more about my family and friends. We are resilient, we love each other, and no matter what we are in it together and couldn't be happier. 

Here's to a new career and the start of a legacy. 

In This Together

I have been blogging since 2004 when I wrote a private blog in the now ghost town of myspace. A tradition it seems is that I spend some time reflecting on the presidential election the day after a winner is called. Kind of a way to write down my feelings so I know how I felt when I learned the outcome. My post 4 years ago was filled with naivety that comes with having a good paying job, recently newlywed, and trying to have a baby. It is funny to go back and look at it. I know exactly how I felt, and oh how things have changed.

Today is much different. Before writing this post, I sent resumes to several potential employers hoping that one of them will get serious about hiring someone. This election, I don't sit on the lofty perch of employment. I don't have the security blanket of a paycheck in a couple of weeks. I am faced with a reality that I have a very qualified wife who is terrific at what she does, who works her butt off at a job she doesn't like most days, who can't get a job interview for a better job despite her college degree because she is in that catch 22 situation. They want experience, but no one wants to give her a chance for her to gain new experience. I am faced with the reality that for the first time I am not the major bread-winner in the house.

I can tell you this. You will not find a harder working person on the planet than my wife. I am in awe of her. She is the only person I know who worked nearly full-time, went to school nearly full-time, was a mother nearly full-time and still had a smile on her face when I came home and told her I lost my job. She is the only woman I can imagine that wouldn't leave me immediately upon my arrival home. To be honest I am still nervous about that aspect with every week I have to collect unemployment.

I have been humbled by my wife and last night when we sat up watching the returns, she was upset. Upset that no matter the outcome of the election, we still didn't have jobs that created the lifestyle we saw for ourselves. We were still living paycheck to paycheck. We don't own our home and every month that dream gets further in the distance.

My wife said last night, "There are no options for us. We didn't come from a poor family, we didn't come from a rich family, and we didn't serve the military. There are no options for people who worked their ass off to get through college and are struggling right now." This sums up how I feel too. It feels that if you came from a poor family there are programs to get a free education, and if you came from a rich family they paid for your education, serve in the military and you get college via the GI Bill and the ability to enter the workforce as a college graduate with ZERO college debt.

I feel marginalized. I feel like despite our best intentions we (me and my family, not the country as a whole) are at a fork in the road; to the left is a welfare state which we qualify for and to the right is the fantasy land of a prosperous future that is shoved down our throats by our politicians, but rarely reaps the rewards promised to us.

The answer to our problems is not the partisan bickering that comes with a political campaign. The answer is somewhere in the middle of the rhetoric. It is a Republican looking at a Democrat and asking, "how do we get this done?" It is a Democrat looking at a Republican and asking, "How can we work together to do this?" It is both parties looking at a 3rd party candidate and taking them seriously and respecting their ideas, because most 3rd party politicians have answers that are the center. It is making companies feel comfortable to hire people and take chances again.

It has been almost 6 months since I lost my job. It has been 11 months since Jenn graduated college. I feel lost in a sea of uncertainty. I don't want a hand out. I want a hand up. I want an opportunity to prove that I can do any job I apply for. I want someone to start thinking like an American again and start taking chances on someone who may not fit their mold exactly.

I am optimistic despite our situation. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I have spent the summer trying to blaze my trail and stand out. This week, let's hope that with this election over, things start to break loose for me, my family, and for you too.

This is not the fault of Republicans, Democrats, red states, blue states and this post isn't designed to put blame on anyone. This is to remind us that our collective eyes are off the ball. We stopped believing in our neighbors. We forgot.

We are all in this together.