It Makes Me Remember

Me during the magical summer of 2004, shortly after
Jenn and I started Dating

We all have that project. That one thing we have to do, but always find a way NOT to get it done. You know the boxes you packed 6 years ago and have yet to go through them. The room full of crap you kind of pushed in there to clean the other parts of your house for guests. The attic you throw crap into without a care in the world and now the cable guy has to come over and fix your cable and he needs to get through the attic, and there you are, sitting in the cold sorting through crap to get rid of to make a path. I know you can relate. 

Well I started one of those projects. I have a room dubbed the "office". It was neat and organized, until we realized that we have a full house of people coming and still have crap all over the house. So we took all that crap and threw it in the office, closed the door and said, "don't go in there". If the producers from Hoarders came through they would say that this room was just the start of a bigger problem. No joke. Well it was the past Monday when we realized that the only way to get out our Christmas decorations is to un-bury the hatch to get into the crawl space where we store them. 

So last night I started to pull boxes out. I realized they were packed and sorted totally incorrectly, so I started to sort through the contents of the boxes, bags, envelopes, and Rubbermaid containers. This morning the sorting and repacking of memories started again, but stopped suddenly when I came across a folder stuffed with cards. Christmas cards, thank-you notes, wedding invites, and ticket stubs. I stopped to look at them and they were every Christmas card I have ever sent Jenn....ever. The first Valentine's card I ever gave her, a ticket stub from when we went to a play downtown when we started dating. The invitation to her best friend's wedding where we rekindled our relationship (July 10, 2004) that was started in high school. With every nonsensical page I turned in this card montage a whole flood of memories came back. 

What stopped me in my tracks was a journal Jenn had written in semi-regularly for 6 or 7 months from July of 2004 to about January 2005. It just so happened to be those first months when we started dating again in the summer of 2004. It had all her uneasy feelings about the beginning of our relationship. Her self reflections on how she felt about me, about Audrey, and about where this "thing" was going. As I flipped and read parts of it I realized I have forgotten a little bit of the man my wife fell in love with. I forgot about what it was to make her feel good. Lately things have been so crappy financially that we have forgotten about ourselves in the big scheme of things or job hunting and working at all hours to get the bills paid. I know we can never go back to the way it "was" but as the years pass, sometimes we forget about the things that made us fall in love in the first place. 

The names I gave her in the beginning I felt were hokey; I knew she loved them, so I continued. The way her days would not suck when she woke up with my arms around her. I read a note I wrote to her in the form of a thank-you card in December of 2004. Telling her that she has made me a more self-confident man. She reminded me what was important I closed it with a thought that I know this was the beginning of something special and to last a long time. 

I saw pictures of what I was. A strong self-confident man who just got out of a situation that was not ideal. I was finding myself again back in 2004. Fast forward to 2012. I feel much the same way about my self as I did prior to that magical summer in 2004. I don't feel confident. I have the same recurring nightmare about sitting in a crashing airplane. The dream interpreters say that it signifies I have set lofty goals for myself that I fear will never come to fruition. It also shows I lack the confidence to make those goals happen. 

Well in 2004 the sky was limit. I want that again and I want it again with my wife. My wife who is magnificent. My wife who became a mother of our lovely pain in the ass(said lovingly), Addison. This whole project of cleaning out our office has made me remember what I was, who I am, and what I am capable of. It reminded me of the Dad I used to be, the fun one that always enjoyed playing games and reading books.

Many of us forget what it was like way back when we started to date our now wives. Often life gets in the way. When you get into a fight you forget all the great things you loved about the person. It took me finding a journal my now wife wrote 8 years ago to make me remember who I was and to realize what I have become. I am not a bad guy. I love my wife just as much as I did in 2004, but I have changed no doubt. I have gotten a little more lazy and fatter. I don't leave love notes for my wife anymore. I need to do that again. I love her more than words could show, but I need to try and show her more.

I believe that life puts relationships in situations designed to rip them apart. It is only when you get through them that you realize your bond with each other is stronger than ever. 

Here's to getting through this storm. 

Live to Buy Local

When Christmas morning rolls around and all the presents are opened; what are you left with? Another gadget taking up space in an electric outlet. Another toy to step on in the middle of the night. Another bland whatever that everyone seems to have this year. 

On Cyber Monday places like Wal-Mart, Target, and Best Buy are spending huge sums of money to put their ads on TV, so they can capitalize on your holiday spending. You aren't buying the gift from a person, you are buying it from a huge corporation. That is amazing, but there are hosts of small operators that sell things at a higher quality than any mass produced big store can offer. Here are some of my favorites.

Dick and Jane Create by Cierra - Cierra knits these crazy cool hats to show your pride in your neighborhood. Looking for a knit cap, scarf, or any other awesome accessory to set yourself apart, check it out. 

Equine Expression by D - Dawn creates charms and jewelry with a equine theme. I met her while she was just starting out and it is awesome to see her shop grow. People buy it from all over the world. She has items in some equine catalogs, but buying it directly from Dawn benefits her and the local economy more. 

G Squared Studio - I am the new guy to the game. Unique Photography from Firefighters to Airplanes, we have something for almost everyone. Paracord creations like bracelets and keychains, designed for functionality. Drink coasters to accent your room. We've been featured in a few treasury collections on Etsy. The fire hose picture frame is our most viewed item, and it will look great hanging on your wall. 

Support these businesses. We are small. We benefit the local economy. We want your business. 

The Thankful Summer

Coming up there are going to be plethora of "What I'm Thankful posts" because as Americans facing a holiday many businesses, consumers, and retail workers either hate, love, or forget; we have to show how much better we are from the status quo and talk about how much we hate the Christmas Seasons because of its superfluous consumerism and show how thankful we are.

That is why I am doing my 'thankful' type post a whole week early. It shows that I really do care about those around me without a national holiday telling me.

But really, I really am thankful for everything I have. I am thankful for my wife who is supportive of whatever crazy dream I might have. I am thankful for my two lovely children, which if my wife has her way, will be getting a brother or sister as soon as I (or she) get a full-time job. I am also thankful for all the people who have called me, sent me texts, emailed, tweeted, Facebook'd, and more importantly helped he build on the skill set I wanted to create into a career somehow.

Since May I feel like a weight was lifted off my chest. I no longer had to go to a job I didn't like. I no longer had to wear a suit that I never felt comfortable in anyway. More importantly I was happy. That being said the lack of money, uncertainty, job interviews, and also hit on my credit was also not fun in any way. But with unemployment benefits, I was able to look for a new full-time job, but in the meantime I could build some skills for a job I really really really want.

My summer was terrific despite all the adversity, and I think that is hard to remember because the bad things were pretty bad, but also the good things were really good.

Laura and her daughter Emily at a beach on Lake Erie

The summer really started when my friend Laura and her two daughters Kelley and Emily came in from Boston for a week. There is something to be said for a family who travels from what is considered one of America's great cities to spend a week at what some consider a city not worth a damn (we all know I love Cleveland, but outside looking in, if you never come, you'll never know). We saw all the coolest places. The Westside Market, Ohio City, The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, Rock n Roll Hall of Fame (again), Lakeview Beach, Melt (again), and even a dive bar in downtown.  It was a great time.

Hotter in Cleveland morning Safety Brief 

While Laura was in town I was also given a terrific opportunity to build on my on-scene photography skills. I got an email from the largest fire department in the area to take part in one of the largest full-scale drills in recent memory. I got to work closely with the PIOs from a few different organizations, media types, and even friends who I have worked with before. It was nice having being included with media, even though I am a blogger, avid tweeter, and photographer. I am non-traditional, but many large organizations marginalize our reach; it was nice to see Cleveland including us in their plans. This opportunity allowed me to test a few theories I have had in my head. It allowed me to see how the PIO world operated in a scenario and how they could leverage a photographer into their plans. Most of my ideas can work I have learned, and it is exciting to see if Cleveland adds to that. They might, they might not. But the opportunity to be as close as I was is something you can't forget.

Fire Academy Student (Left) and Instructor venting roof of house

Even before this exercise I was expanding my chops for on-scene photography when my mom called me and said, rather loudly into my ear, "They're burning today!" She was talking about a house set for demolition on Lake Rd. near her home. The owner, instead of tearing it down to build his new house, he donated it to the Tri-C Fire Academy for a live fire exercise. I had no clue who was running it, I had no clue what to expect, so I packed my camera and batteries and headed to the scene. I got there as they were tapping the hydrant. I hadn't missed the fires. I spoke with the cop on duty and handed him my card and said, "I'd love to see if I can come on-scene to shoot this" The cop being one of the coolest cops ever was appreciative of me asking. So he sent a student firefighter up to the command post and minutes later he came back, with a fire chief. He asked what I wanted to do, I explained I want to get as close as you'll let me. I name dropped a bunch of people that I worked with before and in the off chance this guy knew them and called them, they wouldn't laugh me off scene. Come to find out they let me on-scene. I got to get closer than the local media, and I proved more concepts of on-scene photography. Mainly a photographer can be a second set of eyes for the safety officer. To an untrained or uninitiated photographer, many missteps can be missed. I was lucky to have as much time in training as some firefighters.

It's hard to believe it gets better but it does; but it will have to wait for another post.

In This Together

I have been blogging since 2004 when I wrote a private blog in the now ghost town of myspace. A tradition it seems is that I spend some time reflecting on the presidential election the day after a winner is called. Kind of a way to write down my feelings so I know how I felt when I learned the outcome. My post 4 years ago was filled with naivety that comes with having a good paying job, recently newlywed, and trying to have a baby. It is funny to go back and look at it. I know exactly how I felt, and oh how things have changed.

Today is much different. Before writing this post, I sent resumes to several potential employers hoping that one of them will get serious about hiring someone. This election, I don't sit on the lofty perch of employment. I don't have the security blanket of a paycheck in a couple of weeks. I am faced with a reality that I have a very qualified wife who is terrific at what she does, who works her butt off at a job she doesn't like most days, who can't get a job interview for a better job despite her college degree because she is in that catch 22 situation. They want experience, but no one wants to give her a chance for her to gain new experience. I am faced with the reality that for the first time I am not the major bread-winner in the house.

I can tell you this. You will not find a harder working person on the planet than my wife. I am in awe of her. She is the only person I know who worked nearly full-time, went to school nearly full-time, was a mother nearly full-time and still had a smile on her face when I came home and told her I lost my job. She is the only woman I can imagine that wouldn't leave me immediately upon my arrival home. To be honest I am still nervous about that aspect with every week I have to collect unemployment.

I have been humbled by my wife and last night when we sat up watching the returns, she was upset. Upset that no matter the outcome of the election, we still didn't have jobs that created the lifestyle we saw for ourselves. We were still living paycheck to paycheck. We don't own our home and every month that dream gets further in the distance.

My wife said last night, "There are no options for us. We didn't come from a poor family, we didn't come from a rich family, and we didn't serve the military. There are no options for people who worked their ass off to get through college and are struggling right now." This sums up how I feel too. It feels that if you came from a poor family there are programs to get a free education, and if you came from a rich family they paid for your education, serve in the military and you get college via the GI Bill and the ability to enter the workforce as a college graduate with ZERO college debt.

I feel marginalized. I feel like despite our best intentions we (me and my family, not the country as a whole) are at a fork in the road; to the left is a welfare state which we qualify for and to the right is the fantasy land of a prosperous future that is shoved down our throats by our politicians, but rarely reaps the rewards promised to us.

The answer to our problems is not the partisan bickering that comes with a political campaign. The answer is somewhere in the middle of the rhetoric. It is a Republican looking at a Democrat and asking, "how do we get this done?" It is a Democrat looking at a Republican and asking, "How can we work together to do this?" It is both parties looking at a 3rd party candidate and taking them seriously and respecting their ideas, because most 3rd party politicians have answers that are the center. It is making companies feel comfortable to hire people and take chances again.

It has been almost 6 months since I lost my job. It has been 11 months since Jenn graduated college. I feel lost in a sea of uncertainty. I don't want a hand out. I want a hand up. I want an opportunity to prove that I can do any job I apply for. I want someone to start thinking like an American again and start taking chances on someone who may not fit their mold exactly.

I am optimistic despite our situation. I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I have spent the summer trying to blaze my trail and stand out. This week, let's hope that with this election over, things start to break loose for me, my family, and for you too.

This is not the fault of Republicans, Democrats, red states, blue states and this post isn't designed to put blame on anyone. This is to remind us that our collective eyes are off the ball. We stopped believing in our neighbors. We forgot.

We are all in this together.

Inside the Zombie Apocalypse

Somewhere in Cleveland, Ohio 4 days after Hurricane Sandy hits Northeast Ohio - You can smell the stale coffee in the air, the coffee machine has been running continuously since Monday morning. Public Information Officers (PIO) from various agencies are huddled over their laptops, fingers curled on the keys punching out messages for the general public. Cleveland Public Power is working on a piece about downed power lines. The mayor's office is monitoring their social media feeds. The Department of Public Safety is on the phone with the Fire Chief getting a report on what they are seeing. They are all collaborating together keep the message consistent. It is about quality, and volume. 5 voices are better than 1. This is all happening in real time at the Joint Information Center (JIC). These are the PR people of public service. Their job is to get information to all forms of media.

Press releases are sent to traditional media outlets, PIOs are engaging followers on twitter to monitor and disseminate information to those who are tuned in on social media. All of this is just one cog in the machine of public information. It gets bigger. 

Down the hall lined with photos of SWAT equipment is an even bigger room. Huge projection monitors are at the head of the room. One has an internal program to share information across agencies, the other the local news. On the left wall is another local newscast, on the right wall, CNN. This room is nearly empty except for a member of the Red Cross working her phone and checking in  on the various shelters scattered across the region. 

There is still a lot of work to be done, but everyone's left for a short few hours to take a shower at home, kiss their husbands and wives, and then will head back and continue to monitor the situations across the city. Where are power crews needed? Do we need to shift assets to a certain part of the city for security? What new crisis has come up that need to be dealt with?

When you are watching the news and you hear them say, "Officials say..." this is the room where all those "officials" craft what we are hearing, seeing, and even feeling. If there is a situation, they are on it and trying to solve what ever problem has come up. 

These are the silent partners of our safety. These are the unsung heroes that work late into the night working together to solve problems to help the boots on the ground. No one is in the EOC and working the JIC unless they can get things done. They are all decision makers, policy makers, and doers. The power outage on W 54th and the power outage on E 72nd, only enough crews to fix one, this is where the hard choices are made. 

The Zombie Apocalypse

Cleveland, Ohio skyline from Edgewater Park © acgercak

It felt like the zombie apocalypse. The streets were empty and flooded in some places and trees were across the roads with power lines tangled among the mess. Power was out all over and you could smell the fires in fireplaces as people try and keep warm.

So what happened? I live in Cleveland, Ohio which is close to 500 miles West of Ocean City, NJ where Hurricane/Super storm/Frankenstorm Sandy made landfall. This storm was unlike anything I have ever seen or experienced before, and this from a guy who spent a year in Tornado Alley. In Cleveland, winds off the lake are nothing new, but the velocity and duration of the winds we got were unreal, and to a emergency junkie like me, something completely awesome.

When the storm started to hit Monday morning, I grabbed my camera, got some drinking water into the fridge and set out with my friend Patrick to try and get photos of the predicted 15-20 foot swells on Lake Erie. I have lived on the lake for years, never have I seen waves that large on the lake. I had to see it.

Veteran's Memorial Park Avon Lake, Ohio 

We made our way to Avon Lake, Ohio which is 18 miles West of Cleveland to start the adventure. Avon Lake was the western edge of the large wave zone. So I figured starting out and moving in would be the best. As I stood on a 10 foot cliff over looking the lake, I was getting battered with spray as the waves crashed onto the cliffs and sprayed all over the place. The waves were large, but nothing that I haven't seen before having grown up here and body surfed these waves.

Satisfied, we moved East to Huntington Beach in Bay Village, Ohio in hopes of larger waves. We got all the way down to the beach before seeing siding ripped off the tower of the ice cream stand. The waves were larger here. The rain stung our face from the howling winds. And this was at the very beginning of the storm. I could only imagine what was on the way.

Huntington Beach Bay Village, Ohio

After we were done there, we met up with a couple of friends, George and Mandy Gomez; both are adventurous and wanted to see the lake as well. As we made our way East the wind picked up and started moving the car around as we drove. The next stop was Edgewater Park in Cleveland. From there I could get a perspective of the lake and the city. I was there 5 days earlier at sunrise; Monday was much different.

Through the greyish haze you could make out the city. In the big surf on the beach there was a kite surfer. Unreal when you look at it all. We made our way down to the beach and there we saw it littered with surf boards and people in full wet suits getting ready to surf Cleveland. Again these waves were small compared to what was on the way. I put these waves at 8-12 feet at times.

Our last stop of the day was the E. 55th St. marina. At this location there isn't a beach to absorb the energy of the waves and they crash directly into the break wall just feet from I-90. In Cleveland this is where the big waves were. Like Banzai Pipeline on Oahu, HI; E. 55th was the place to see the big ones.

Waves at E55th St Marina Cleveland, Ohio

 The parking lot was packed with curious people. We all wanted to capture and experience the waves, the spray, and the wind. A hurricane in Cleveland is rare, we all wanted a piece. Again this is all before the big winds of the storm were coming. I looked at the waves crash, made a few frames, then George said, we should go out to that walk way that runs along the Shoreway for a different perspective. I was, at first, a little gun shy about going out there. The waves were crashing almost over the walkway, we would be sitting ducks, but we went any way.

In the end, that is where I got a different perspective. The waves would crash on the dock and roll up the break wall rocks and drench our feet. I got a few more frames, and we headed home. The worst was still yet to come and we didn't want to get caught in it.

View from the walkway along the Shoreway Cleveland, Ohio

Around 8 o'clock that night, the winds really started to pick up. I heard trees bending in the wind. Around 11:00 I lost power and we were in the dark. We were prepared, and honestly we were expecting power to be lost a lot sooner than it did. The next morning we got up to scope out the damage around town, and because we didn't have power, stopped at McDonald's for breakfast and news. My mom asked that I call my Grandma and check on her. Instead we made the drive out there. I checked her foundation and made sure it wasn't leaking, checked her sump pump which was on battery back-up was still functioning, and her siding is still on the house.

I walked up and down the street to see what I could see. Just south of her house there was 4 downed trees, one on a house. To the north there was a power line in the road that had been closed. Around a little street called Coveland, which is right on Lake Erie there was a tree across power lines, trees on cars, houses, bushes missing, decking in the water, and waves crashing so hard on the cliffs that you could feel them thump at your feet.

Despite the damage, we dodged a bullet. We got hit, and hit hard, but because much of us were prepared and ready, there were not any deaths associated with the storm in Cleveland and there wasn't widespread flooding. Most of us were inconvenienced by no power, unlike the East coast where there is no power and also a lot of no houses, no cars, and a crane dangling hundreds of feet in the air.

Coveland Dr. Avon Lake, Ohio

Cleveland didn't have it bad, but we got through it thanks to great info from Emergency Management folks and spot on reporting from local TV and radio stations.

Hire Me

Since being laid off in May, I have scoured the Earth for a new gig. Banking, technology, PR, and photography have been the areas I have concentrated most of my efforts. I am knowledgeable in all those industries and what ever I may not know, I could learn quickly.

A large bank interviewed me, liked me, and called the day after my interview and said someone internally is moving into the position I interviewed for. It was a cool gig too, but I was encouraged to keep a look out for more opportunities in that department. I saw a posting last week, jumped at it, and waited. Then I saw that company was laying off a ton of people, and the recruiter called me to tell me the open position was being eliminated due to those cutbacks.

So I kept looking. Last week I saw a posting for the Avon Lake Municipal Utilities. Part-time community outreach specialist. I read the description, saw I knew how to do everything they were looking for, and even better, it was in my hometown. I had a friend who's Dad worked (possibly still does work there) there when we were in high school.

So I punched up my resume, again, tailored it to the job, wrote a cover letter, sent two writing samples, and ultimately my video work too. I gave them a lot to chew on, and I am hoping this goes my way. I got a twitter response yesterday that they will look at the apps on 11/8.

I remember when I was a kid and a water main would break on our street. Water would go pumping all over the street, the big green vans from the water department would come out, knock on the doors to let us know the water is getting turned off while they repaired it, and then all the neighborhood kids would go out and watch then bring in the backhoes and repair the leak. Seriously, we would just watch them dig, repair, fill, and patch. We were fascinated and to an extent I still am.

It was fun to see and kids that I knew that lived in newer developed areas of Avon Lake had no idea that a water main could break and flood a street. All their infrastructure was new, worked well, and their streets were unblemished by a ruptured water pipe.

This position at Avon Lake's Municipal Utilities is just my childhood fascination with the green trucks coming back. I think from the late 80's to today our kids have lost some of that fascination with the world around them and I am hoping I get the opportunity to show them that under our feet is a vast array of pipes that connect to every house in the community. The water department does a lot more than make sure your water comes out of the tap. Some might say that they are the backbone of a community because without them, we would still be going in outhouses and walking to get our water.

Fingers crossed. I am hoping this is the start of a new career path for me. Wish me luck.